she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
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Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
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I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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