Ambien. No doubt about it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
