It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I did not marry a roomba.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
