last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
