If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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