Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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