oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
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I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you made out with another girl for some wings
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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