this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
