So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
