i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
