Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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