he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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