Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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