Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
