jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
