That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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