Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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