Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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