Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
