dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
