Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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