porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
