Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
