why didn't you poke me back
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
