Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
