is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize