Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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