So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
