i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
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this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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