I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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