I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
