Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
