I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
