I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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