I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
