Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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