I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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