You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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