do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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