Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
