i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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