I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
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But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize