did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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