Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Even my vagina gasped.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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