Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
