I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
