I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
