We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
