If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
