You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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