Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
