I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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