A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You left your phone here
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