absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
