she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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