The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
