after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
