so explain again why im purple
no
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
