Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Damn victory sex feels great
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