Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
