I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
